E-Parliament

Rappelant que:

- Je n'ai pas des prétentions partisanes, malgré 'les sentiments diaboliques' de M. Lieu. Smash, et

Considerant que:

- Le gouvernement Harper n'a pas avancé aucun plan fédéral sur les changements climatiques,
- Les provinces doivent alors s'occuper des questions touchant l'environnement ...

Les Parties conviennent sur ce qui suit:

- Le PQ a bien fait pour se prononcer sur la question de l'avenir du Protocol de Kyotol
- Les autres provinces sont priés de se prononcer sur cette question afin de 'guider' de façon non-partisane la prise de décision du gouvernement Harper ... (svp)

On another note, who can tell me where Bonn is? :)
This question is specifically directed toward students in International Relations ...

Whereas:

- Canadian Environmental Policy should not be determined based on who thinks we should do what (i.e. imagine the Taliban saying, "Canada, you should start bombing Israel", and Harper replying, "Well, I'm really encouraged that the Taliban want us to join them in hate mongering and fear propaganda ...");
- The Asia-Pacific Partnership regroups 6 whole countries, while Kyoto is somewhere near 150;
- Mr. Harper illustrated his sharp understanding of Canadian policy decision-making when he said "Australia can't make that decision unilaterally" with respect to our joining the partnership;
- Nuclear energy IS NOT ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY!!!


Be it resolved that:

- I shake my head in dismay at the sheer awe of it all;
- The Honourable MISS Ambrose be replaced by a toaster oven, preferably one that is NOT nuclear powered and does not conform to Kyoto, as that would shut down the Canadian economy and require us to take all the cars off the roads and the planes out of the skies;
- ... that's enough for now. Any suggestions?

Proceedings of Government Motion 7 (Prolongation of Mission in Afghanistan) - PASSED

In view of the 6-hour debate in the House of Commons and the final vote of 149 / 145 in favour of the resolution, the members of the E-parliament are called to hear evidence and vote in favour or in opposition of the following three points of order:

1. Political Weakness in the Opposition (or "How Christmas Came Early this Year for Stephen Harper")

- Whereas:
--> the only real bit of new information that came out of today's debate was that there is a glaring bipolarity of opinion within the Liberal party;
--> much of the evening was dominated by the Liberals finding themselves in the familiar position of defending former governments, with suprisingly little discussion over the actual prolongation of the mission or the nature of the decision making-process ("the Devil is in the detail", or so the expression goes);
--> Bill Graham, Official Leader of the Opposition, spent the significant portion of the evening telling the Conservative government exactly how to convince him to make a decision that he had clearly already made;

- Be it resolved that:
* Mr. Graham, aside from all the respect to which he would normally be entitled, be replaced by a tape recording of announcements made on Air Canada flights (one of the only places in Canada besides Parliament that you'll find anything that comes close to being bilingual) - example: "Bienvenue chez Air Canada, Welcome to Air Canada. Veuillez consulter le dépliant dans le siège devant vous - Please consult the brochure in the seat in front of you."

** The new leader of the Liberal Party come from another country other than Canada as apparently the current options are not up to par. Alternatively, I would like to announce my candidature for the leadership of the Liberal Party. Donations may be made at any branch of ...


2. The New Opposition (or "How Duceppe and Layton Learned to Stop Hating and Started to Rage Against the Machine")

- Whereas:
--> members of the Conservative party repeatedly refered to M. Duceppe as 'Leader of the Opposition";
--> the comments made in M. Duceppe's first speech / "question" were much more in line with what opposition comments should sound like ... i.e. OPPOSE ... OPPOSITION ... debates, after all, are for asking questions, are they not?

- Be it resolved that:
* Mr. Graham abdicate his position as Official Leader of the Opposition and a leadership race be immediately initiated to find his replacement. (Noticing a common theme here?)

** The NDP and the Bloc merge to form a new political party. This would create a new strong voice for the left-centric movement in Canadian politics and actually lead to some more projets de lois being passed into law! (i.e. Kyoto ... need I say more?)


3. The Rebirth of Peter MacKay (or "Did Anyone Else Know He Could Speak ... English?")

- Whereas:
--> in a shocking turnaround, Mr. MacKay actually gave evidence that he has something other to offer than his looks (selon les animatrices de Radio Canada ... but I digress);
--> his answers, in stark contrast to his colleagues of the Conservative government, actually managed to fall somewhere within the realm of the original questions asked;
--> his professionalism was more indicative of an experienced politician as opposed to the slack-jawed yowkle that his department has managed to make him out to be;

- Be it resolved that:
* Mr. MacKay take French lessons (for the last time, 'an' is a VOYELLE NASALE!!!!!!), get some support behind him (apparently he need look no further than the two female MPs sitting behind him in the House), overthrow the government, and run as leader of the Conservatives in the next election (anything to get rid of Hitl ... Harper)

** A committee be convened to mould and shape Mr. MacKay into the great political leader that he has the potential to one day become ...

Whereas:

- The rejection of the nomination of Mr. Morgan is a cause for great celebration;
- The proposed appointments commission is not a bad idea in and of itself;

Be it resolved that:

- The Prime Minister grow up and stop acting like a child who has been told to stop playing with his toys at the dinner table;
- The Prime Minister recommend a new person to fill the position, with preference to someone NOT from Calgary (not that there's anything wrong with that) who has NOT made indiscreet comments about Canada's immigration policy ...

Mr. Speaker,

Instead of resolving the deplorable situation with Mr. Diouf by providing a simple apology, the government has now attracted the wrath of the RADDHO who have qualified the treatment of the OIF Secretary General "du racisme primaire." I fail to understand why this government refuses to offer the parties involved what they are looking for, that being a heartfelt and public apology. By dismissing the importance of this situation, the government is demonstrating that diplomats from Africain countries are somehow less important to Canada ...

Mr. Speaker,

What the hell is wrong with the Minister of Foreign Affairs?

No, I retract that interrogation. Instead, permit me to seguay into a bit of an analogy ...

The Honourable Member, Mister Speaker, is a lot like a cow: a point here, a point there, and a whole lot of BULL in between ... Today's outrageous scandal involving a respected dignitary, M. Diouf, highlights this point in so many new and varied ways.

Putting aside for the moment that the actions undertaken by the Airport Authority in searching Mr. Diouf were ILLEGAL under international law (for those of you that haven't done so already, go read the Vienna Convention on Diplomatic Relations, in particular that little paragraph on the INVIOLABILITY of the VALISE DIPLOMATIQUE and LA PERSONNE PHYSIQUE), let's consider the horrendous way in which this man has been treated as a guest in this country. Now Mr. Speaker, granted that Mr. Diouf does not hold an American citizenship, nor does he have connections to the Bush Administration, how can this government sit in this House and dismiss the situation as "regretable"? I'll tell you what's regretable, Mr. Speaker; it's that we're stuck with a group of useless misleaders who are driving the reputation of this country into the ground!

(On a side note, the Minister of la Francophonie, Mme Verner, didn't meet Mr. Diouf for more than 48 hours after his arrival in Canada. WHERE THE HELL WAS SHE? Minister of la Francophonie ... SECRETARY GENERAL OF LA COMMISSION de la FRANCOPHONIE ... anyone else see the connection? What else was she doing? Lord knows she's not in her riding ... wants to keep as far away from the zoo as possible ...)

(Did anyone happen to pick-up a newspaper the other day? If you had that misfortune, you undoubtedly saw a picture of Peter MacKay wearing "cool" sunglasses while apparently leading a team of journalists through some military base in Kandahar. Didn't see it? Well perhaps you were listening to Radio Canada yesterday morning when two female reports felt that what all of French Canada and the world wanted to hear about was how "hot" Peter MacKay is in uniform.

Anyone else gagging yet? I wasn't aware that discussing the attractiveness of our political misleaders constituted responsible journalism. But I digress ...)

Whereas:

- The purpose of responsible journalism is to INFORM the public with impartial accountings of current and interesting news stories;
- The Canadian Government, contrary to popular belief, is not the platform for the next reality series, and should not be treated as such;
- I don't give a F how hot the chick on Radio Canada thinks Peter MacKay is (because frankly it makes me want to hurl every time I think about it);

Be it resolved that:

- Radio Canada, as a government run institution, be restricted to reporting the NEWS, except where programming specifically provides for commentary and opinion pieces;
- Journalists who are fashion critics stick to criticizing fashion and news reporters stick to reporting the news;
- Peter MacKay stick to what he knows ... and stop embarrassing himself by trying to pass himself off as the Brad Pitt of Canadian politics.

(On that note, I suddenly feel the urgent need to bathe in lighter fluid.)

Whereas:

The Government of Canada website is the main portal for all individuals seeking up-to-date, accurate information on federal programs and services.

The same website consistently rankly highly on international comparisons of government websites in terms of layout, user-friendliness, and overall usefulness.

The main design theme of red and white reflected our nation's colours, evident in our flag, not any particular political party; therefore, a change of ruling party does not necessitate a change in colours scheme.

When individuals want to read a political party's partisan propaganda, they will seek out said political party's website.

Be it resolved that:

The once clear and useful www.gc.ca site be returned to its former glory and its current incarnation relegated to www2.conservative.ca, where it truly belongs.

Whereas:

The Canada Council on Learning reports that 42% of adults in Canada are semi-literate. Par contre, 57% of adults have some post-secondary education. This statistics support the conclusion that many students at university have not mastered their first language (it is highly unlikely that the 42% and the 57% per cent are two entirely different populations: there is likely an important overlap).

Anecdotal information supports this problem: Many profs and teaching assistants complain of the low quality of written work that is submitted in university courses. However, the problem is so general that TAs are forced to keep the average mark at a certain level and pass work that is not of good quality.

The arts and the social sciences are especially susceptible to this trend, because the disciplines do not lend themselves to highly objective evaluations such as mathematical calculations.

Many supervisors (personal experience) in government bureaucracy find that the written work submitted by workers, on personnel evaluations for example, are not written in clear or readable English or French.

Resolved:
That the Minister of Edumacation develop a plan to ensure that students at every level of the edumacation system are taught and evaluated on standard language skills that, once mastered, will serve them for the rest of their lives.

That university professors take the habit of refusing, and forcing students to resubmit, papers with insufficient quality of expression.

That all spelling and grammatical errors in this blogpost be blamed on somebody else who obviously failed to edumacate me properly.

Whereas:

The current lowest federal tax rate stands at 15%, retroactive to January 1st, 2005, following November 2005's Economic Update.

The current Finance Minister stated in the 2006 Budget that "the lowest personal tax rate will be reduced to 15.5%".

Be it resolved:

That the Finance Minister resign his post and take a"Introduction to Grade-School Arithmetic" course until such time as he can prove his mastery of the incapacitatingly complex equation "15.5>15".